So, this stuff is all linked. Prejudice is pretty much the same sort of stuff. So, ads that are looking for HIV negative guys only, or have descriptions like “disease free” are also pretty nasty. I mean, most gay guys that I know have relationships that last between a few days/weeks/months and a couple of years. And my friends who are positive have been living relatively healthy lives for ten years, fifteen years. So, what is it? This fear of dating, or having sex or being with someone who is HIV positive.

I found this exposition on bigmuscle.com and think it’s terrific. Thought-provoking. Passionate. And sharp in all the right ways. Have a read. Go on, you know you want to. (Posted with permission)

HIV Negative & Way Too Proud Of It

There I am, reading through the assorted profiles at Big Muscle, and I begin to notice yet another disturbing trend —guys who are HIV- and waaaay too proud of it. What am I talking about? You know, cocky lil’ lines like ‘HIV- and I EXPECT you to be too!’ This is especially disheartening since there should be a comma after the ‘be’ and before the ‘too’ aside from the inherent social depravity of such a statement. First off, who the fuck are you to expect anybody to be anything just because you say so, and why are you such an insensitive asshole? Right, so you’re HIV-, whoopee for you,too bad you’ve got a social disease that poses a far greater problem. I’d much rather spend my time with someone who’s HIV+ than some self-centered egomaniac who goes around judging people for the lamest of reasons.

Oh, and by the way, I am HIV-, so don’t even try to chalk up my anger to your run of the mill resentment. Really, I guess I shouldn’t get mad at these sorts of people – I should feel bad for them. My best friend is positive, as is my last boyfriend, and I can only imagine how shitty my life would be had I severed our bond based on such a thin criterion. I’d definitely be a lot dumber — a scary concept in and of itself. Then there are those that say ‘Well, I just don’t want to have to go through a lover dying of AIDS.’ Oh please, lady: drop the drama. You’re negative – not immortal. Of the three boyfriends I’ve had in all my life, two of them were positive and one was negative. Guess which one died last year? The negative one. Yup, he just got on a plane and done blew up on me. Proving that there is no defined order in which we die, and there’s a better chance you’ll croak from of a GHB overdose at your next circuit party long before your healthier, positive neighbor. All I ask is that you think twice before you
blurt out some crazy shit in your profile that hurts the feelings of others and ultimately limits your scope of the kind of vibrant individuals you may meet on Big Muscle. Cheers!

(posted April 2003)